that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
