Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
