YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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