it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
