I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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