would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
