Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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