Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
