I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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