Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
