Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My cat gives me a boner
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
