Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
