Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
