Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
