I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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