I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
