Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
