don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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