can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Come share oat with me in your robe
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
