Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The adults are the big ones right?
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