office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
