You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
