A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
