The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
