apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
