I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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