Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
