well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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