I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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