Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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