You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
