hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
