So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
