there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
