A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
