my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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