Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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