He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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