plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
