yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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