i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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