I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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