you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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