please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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