I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you would pick up someone in the library
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
