phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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