He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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