Ambien. No doubt about it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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