theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
