I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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