so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
