Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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