Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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