this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
