so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
try to milk me bitch
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