last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
