My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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