ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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