piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
