Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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