So drunk its hurt
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
