sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
