I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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